First page off my life's story.....
I am not used to this. I am not one to put it all out, but that is the point of all of this, because I
haven't put it all out, and so they have stayed in, grown dark while slowly eating me from inside.
Its scary to imagine that I embraced the darkness under which I have hidden so many memories, had them locked behind that door and lived as though they weren't a part of my life; the love, sex and
heartbreaks. I thought that by doing so i would be free and they will never haunt me again, but what I never really knew was that I couldn't keep my monsters locked away forever or get rid of them by clicking an imaginative delete button.
Although my hands are heavy while writing this due to the weight of the thoughts, thoughts I have suppressed for years, but just like a volcano, covering it wouldn't stop it from erupting, it would surely explode, and when it does, it isn't all so beautiful. I guess this has been the story of my life so far cos I thought I was doing good, but these few days in isolation has given me the opportunity to reflect and I have judged all my actions and seen that the good I feel I do have been influenced by whatever I locked up behind that door, all in a bid to satisfy the void which has made me selfish while being selfless.
Do u av those moments where you smile but you feel a grin of guilt creeping unto that smile, knowing that you are not happy but u pretend to be, knowing that you wake up every morning wishing that it was all a dream, you can barely look at the mirror, even most nights you are scared to close your eyes cos you feel them around you, and your nightmares becoming your reality.
In every mans life, there comes a time when you must own up for every decision you have made. I haven't made the best decisions or choices, but its time to open that door and let them all out, to be in control of my life. I won't run anymore, it's time to turn on that light. The door is opened, and you are welcome into my "Dark Twisted Fantasy". Am going back to where it all started, so that all of this can make more sense. You thought you knew me, but there was never a me, so who did you know? Let me help you find it out.....
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