he gives you an engagement ring. Now, many people misunderstand the main purpose of that ring which is what i got to understand after hours of conversation with Melody (F), a final year student of National Open University, PH. This ring she calls the "small handcuff".
Our point of focus here is on the fact that girls are forced to hold on to the promises of the ring while intentions to actually marry them are actually placed on hold for a year or even more. Now, Melody tries to illustrate why such an act is inappropriate and should stop.
This discus will try to toss the coin to give us the story from both perspectives as to why guys most times have certain delays and if they are intentional or not.
She began by telling me; "Giving a ring should lead to introduction, and planning of the wedding within three to four months".She continued; "As a guy, does it sound right or seem right to give a girl a ring and ask her to waitfor a year or more before you both settle down?".
Her words to the guys who have intentions of engaging their ladies and those who have already are; "Engagement ring you buy to give your lady signifies you are ready. As a guy, you should not feel like you want to marry her, you should know you want to marry her".
Taking it from the angle of the guys as to why they choose to engage their ladies, she tells me; "Most men have money and have what it takes. But considering that she probably has friends who are engaged, he is forced to engage her so that she wont feel bad and be jealous, at least, she would feel like he was to marry her just so she can be happy and confident."
I told her about my friend who because of bride price has been left hanging for almost a year now because the asking price of the girls family is quite more than he can afford. Now he is forced to put every plans and intentions on hold and indirectly causing her to wait and now she has run out of patience and the decision is hurting her as she carries the ring all around. It not only dedicates her to just one man, it actually chases away potential suitors who might have intentions too.
She said to me; Its not about the ring, its about knowing who you are dealing with because the ring is not too important." This goes to say that before a guy would conclude in his mind that he wants to settle down with any lady, they must have loved eachother, dated, courted, and at some point understand that they are humans and are imperfect but because of the love, they choose to look beyond eachothers faults and accept themselves the way they are. He knows who he is dealing with and is willing to sacrifice everything to settle down with her, but why should guys relent at the most vital point and decide to keep these ladies hanging?
I must inject that girls become blinded by the guys flattering and promises and once that ring is given to them, they attach their hope to it and become committed to the ring and fail to realise that the guys are not committed to settling down by marrying them. The months go by and turn into years and they keep waiting. Which girl would envy another girl in such a trap? How can you find peace in such patience?
The trap of engagement is one we should try to escape because it is making the road to marriage loose its value because we would have relationships without commitments and so much disbelief and mistrust towards mostly the guys.
Know you are ready, dont feel like you are ready before making the decision to engage her. Make sure you are ready spiritually, financially and otherwise. Lastly, make sure the ring is not from Mallam or Aboki that hawks. Make it worth it.
MELODY(LEFT) AND NKEMJIKA DURING
THE INTERVIEW
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