I woke up that morning, nothing on my mind but work, the only distraction I had because I have nothing to do basically if I stayed at home, it wasn't going to be one of my best days, I could tell with how low I was in motivation the moment I walked out of the bathroom. Today was going to be as
normal as every other day, but then I got a call, it was my best friend, I had told her about the vacancy at my place of work, the salary was attractive with extra incentives, it was good for our level. Seeing her call I thought it was about her declaring her interest because I could really use a familiar face there, but she called telling me she had someone interested in working, she couldn't come. I Couldn't fuss, so I was sent the details of a girl, I knew she didn't have much friends, but if she could recommend this friend, it meant she was probably a big deal. So, I was motivated, to see who this mysterious girl was, I called her to give directions, it was of no use cos she didn't know the city so well, more of an introvert I assumed, I had to be a gentleman and go pick her up, it wasn't easy owning to the fact that she wasn't familiar with anywhere totally. I had to go back and forth, we kept missing each other, until finally, I told her Oba Palace, everybody knows there, fortunately she did. Walking back towards the gate, I was anxious and expectant, I wanted it to be a fair and tall girl, you know, to complement me, at least, being a gentleman was the perfect way to start sowing seeds of intentions, don't judge me.
Two minutes gone, I was almost there, I saw someone, I didn't know if she was the one, phone to her ear, a fitted Ankara outfit, but no, she wasn't fair, wasn't short but not as tall as I was anticipating. They say first impression matters, it can shape your entire relationship with someone, and she played her role perfectly, now she was tired because I didn't do a good job with my directions, worst part is that I had passed her due to the fact I was looking out for a girl based on the description I created in my head, but she didn't mind that I had kept her standing or walking around for about thirty minutes. Her smile, how shy she was, I couldn't believe I could be so confident while walking with someone i just met for the first time, normally we would have to talk over the phone until we are comfortable but in this case I wasn't shy or scared of making a mistake or saying the wrong thing that could turn her off, she made it very easy for me to be comfortable around her. How often do you meet people and you feel an instant connection?
So, interview went well, she resumed, and her office was always my go to, she was my escape cos I always knew how to look for her trouble, and mocking her when she fumbles over the account sheets, it was always a joy to watch her looking confused most times, but she wasn't all too perfect, yeah, she had this attitude that I didn't understand, she wasn't patient when we closed and was hasty to just leave, maybe I was just angry cos I wasn't getting the opportunity I needed to talk to her, or the fact that she wasn't even noticing that I wanted the chance to let her know my full intentions, she was more focused on getting to church, you can't blame her for wanting to get there early as a worker, I respected her, it could have discouraged me to just stop and assume that she wasn't into those kind of stuffs, I mean dating, not what you are thinking, kind of stuff. She might preach to me about her faith and how much Jesus loves me and that she only practices agape love, I didn't want to hear that, am grateful that these were assumptions.
Days passed, turning into weeks and weeks into months, I was getting used to her, my affection was growing stronger, I stopped giving attention to the person who really loved me, the girl who was 'next', it turned out she was a part of my life at this point and just like distance was a problem between me and Victoria, I was resolved not to pay too much attention because I didn't want the same situation to repeat itself, she called me everyday and we talked for hours, I wondered how she was able to keep up, how much she was spending and the kind of support she gave to me, everything a man could ask for, I had sympathy, but I was always a man for the moment, I didn't have time to wallow in my fantasies about seeing her again, it was twisted, and this time maybe I was lonely, maybe I just needed a temporary fix for the loneliness, and this new prospect was the easiest victim, just another piece to cross off the board, to add to my body count, but it didn't work out as anticipated.
I was always steps ahead of my victims, planting the right kind of attention and playing the emotional game, yeah being jovial and funny blended in the mix gives you the perfect result, they would always want you around. I make myself desirable so that in the end you would always want me, to talk, to make you happy, you will always come around because I won't disappoint. But this girl, she didn't fall for any of that, I couldn't tell why. Yeah we had our good moments, confiding in each other, in short, I was the only person she stopped being temperamental towards and o how she sought after me to complain cos i always listened, but then, was this a different game? I couldn't wrap my head around it, how can we be this open but yet have no affection towards me? was it me or was there someone else? From her stories, its obvious there isn't! Maybe she has been discussing with my ex's and this was a fully planned scheme to prank me or did my best friend warn her to anticipate all this, no, not a chance, I knew, this isn't a movie.
She wore vulnerability like a crown, she looked helpless and naive which was the opposite of who she was, she loves it when people think opposite of her, she carries herself as though she is confused, its a scheme she uses to draw people closer to her, looking weak was her greatest strength and weapon because she uses it to gain attention and then you come in and underestimate her and you end up like me, no matter how much you try, she doesn't grow feelings and the attention only helps her feel alive, well, now you see it, she was using me and helping me play myself. Like we were cut out of the same clothes, she was funny, conversational, good sense of humour and understood my dark twisted fantasies like she could see right through me.
Maybe she read my mind, maybe she had figured out there was someone else, or was my appearance revealing of my personality? She was desirable, and it challenged me because she didn't desire me, it was unusual to me, I couldn't deal with it, I haven't felt rejection like this, nobody has ever made me feel undesirable. She was different, and it made my urge stronger, I wanted to break her, it would be my biggest conquest; getting her to fall for me totally, but she neutralized all my my attacks, as though she saw them coming. I couldn't get into her head, I tried making myself wanted by going out of my way to accommodate her, well, when fantasy meets reality, you get to realise that you are in the wrong zone, and it wasn't a place I wanted to be.
I began to doubt myself, I began to feel as though my charm was fading, I became a fool gradually, would take trips just to see her when she wanted, but she never comes to me, I open up on things I shouldn't and it grew her defences stronger, she felt like karma, she was a perfect version of me who was paying me back with the same things I did to others, no wonder she never had any feelings, because I didn't, it was all an act for me, she knew I would want to make her catch feelings so she made them inexistent, she knows the game, she only allows what she wants into her heart and head, and I was getting my reward slowly, worst part is I couldn't stop, I tried but I kept going back to being the fool for her, calling her always to check up on her, although i had someone who really deserved that attention but she was the priority as I have never felt so unnoticed standing in front of someone with my feelings pouring out to be embraced, it frightened me so much that I couldn't accept defeat, I had met my match, I knew in that moment that I couldn't always have it all.
My life played me to her, with all the twist and turns, it found a way to bring my reality to me through the most unexpected way, and that is how life is to all of us, that missed train or flight, that delay in the queue and then you are walking and you bump into someone you haven't seen in a long while in an unexpected place, reminding you that it is such a small world and your encounter is never too far away, everything that has happened or is happening, leads you to a right moment that when you experience it, it surprises you that you were so fortunate, what would have happened if you were a minute late? What if you had decided to go tomorrow, would you have met that life changing opportunity? No matter how much you try to imagine it, you can't really phantom how the universe works in bringing you to the right place at the right time, how all those disappointments were positioning you for that moment, natural causes like rainfall stopping you from doing things and you get the news that someone who did had a issue, you say to yourself; "it could have been me." That person that pays your transport in a bus who you never knew, and I could remember my birthday when I was sent to get gas from the gas station, coming back, I found it difficult to cope with the weight, a lady opted to hold one side of the handle to help ease the load, turned out we were both going the same direction, that act of kindness wasn't enough that she paid my transport also, I saw it as a sign that angels were among us and she was an angel sent to me that day to remind me and till today I can't forget that smile on her face knowing I was helped, as if she knew it was my birthday, so why me? Why her? Why that moment? What made our paths meet? you can call it fate or coincidence, but it felt exactly the same way this girl made me feel, "affixed" just pondering on that action.
She makes me feel so miserable playing my game, what if I never called my best friend to tell her about the vacancy? What if we never really met? Who would I have been by now? How different would my life and choices be? Would my life have taken the natural cause it took and lead me to this moment or would I have met someone different and lived life differently? Would I be here writing this?
How can we tell for sure how different our lives would be if we didn't make some choices or meet some people? Would we be more happier, more accomplished or worst than we were? While you ponder, I guess may be this was meant to be her role in my life, to show me who I was, what I needed to do to save me from myself, I have no idea, but I know that she was one piece I couldn't stop chasing even though I couldn't catch up. She was the adventure I was always looking for, something hard and unpredictable, she was another wrong angel.
She told me I was nothing to her and maybe that's the point; maybe I am nothing to her because I could be anything to her, if only I was serious about it, I guess she needed that 'COMMITMENT', and with that I apologize for trying, if that is the condition for me to be saved, I think I love this one better.
So who was this other girl and what happened to her? I think I have gone ahead a bit, Victoria isn't done, let's take it back a little. Follow me.....
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